Two and a Half Men - Season 3

First aired: 9/19/2005 24 episodes

Family ties tighten and tension rises as Charlie’s wild ways clash with Alan’s neuroses, leading to hilarious misadventures in love, work, and parenting.

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Episodes

1. Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

Aired: 9/19/2005

After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

2. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

Aired: 9/26/2005

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

3. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Aired: 10/3/2005

Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

4. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

Aired: 10/10/2005

Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

5. We Called It Mr. Pinky

Aired: 10/17/2005

Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

6. Hi, Mr. Horned One

Aired: 10/24/2005

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

7. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Aired: 11/7/2005

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

8. That Voodoo That I Do Do

Aired: 11/14/2005

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

9. Madame and Her Special Friend

Aired: 11/21/2005

One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

10. Something Salted and Twisted

Aired: 11/28/2005

Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

11. Santa's Village of the Damned

Aired: 12/19/2005

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

12. That Special Tug

Aired: 1/9/2006

Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

13. Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

Aired: 1/23/2006

Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

Aired: 2/6/2006

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

15. My Tongue Is Meat

Aired: 2/27/2006

Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

16. Ergo, the Booty Call

Aired: 3/6/2006

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

Aired: 3/13/2006

Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler

Aired: 3/20/2006

Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

Aired: 4/10/2006

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Aired: 4/24/2006

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

21. And the Plot Moistens

Aired: 5/1/2006

Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

22. Just Once with Aunt Sophie

Aired: 5/8/2006

A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

23. Arguments for the Quickie

Aired: 5/15/2006

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Aired: 5/22/2006

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.